HappySimple

Celebration Friday – Good Enough

February 5, 2010 · 7 Comments

We are a society of improvers, constantly exhorted to try our best to be our best. We want to give our kids the best, to get the most out of life, to make the most of every opportunity. From high-school coaches to business mentors and lifestyle gurus, people make entire careers out of challenging us to give it 110%, to push further, grow bigger, get more and more and more.

Not that there’s anything wrong with improving your life, your house or yourself. It’s just that trying to improve everything all the time gets pretty exhausting. It might be good once in awhile to make a cup of tea, sit back and assess the situation. Does it all need fixing? Does everything really need your attention, or are some things good enough?

Good enough. That’s a loaded phrase these days, isn’t it? Somehow, in the hands of those coaches and mentors, it’s come to mean the exact opposite. It’s come to mean not good enough. We are told not to accept good enough, to see it as a negative, to reject it in favour of the best.

Does Everything Have to Be the Best?

But, honestly? Does everything have to be the best? Does your home have to be as clean and organized and styled as it can possibly be or would good enough be, um, OK? Your weight and fitness level – do you really need to be up to Olympic standards or can you be content with staying healthy and fitting into your clothes?

Financial experts are great at this. Not only, they tell us, do we need a million dollars in assets if we ever hope to retire, but we need to have them NOW! Which seems a bit overachieving if you’re not actually going to need them for another twenty or thirty years. Wouldn’t being on the path to comfortable work?

I started thinking about this when I realized that Alan and I have been living in our current apartment for nearly a year and a half. That’s a long time for us. Our usual pattern is to move into a place and work like mad to get it fixed up and ready to sell. Not this time. We’ve done a bit, but we’re, for a bunch of different reasons, taking it slowly this time.

It Feels a Little Funny

And even though it feels a little funny not to have everything done and I am sometimes a little embarrassed about the state of our floors, it’s actually OK. I have time to look around and appreciate the little details of this place – the way the sun comes in the windows, how the garden is developing. And I have the time to think through what really needs doing and what I just think needs doing. We’re saving a ton of money by taking it slowly.

The curtains in the photo were a quick fix to hide really ugly paintwork and a not very inspiring view. They’re made from the fabric that was wrapped around our Ikea sofa-bed. I never really intended to keep them. I was going to make “real” curtains right away. But other things took priority and they’re still there. They do what they were meant to with the added bonus that early-morning sun and late-night shadows look beautiful on them. I think I’ll keep them for awhile longer. They’re good enough.

In my living room is my parents’ old love seat, circa 1982. I painted it to cover the ugly fabric, meaning it to be a temporary fix, just till we could find something better. That was about five years ago. It’s comfy. It fits the room. It probably won’t be featured in a decorating magazine anytime soon (I used to be a design blogger – these things matter to me) but it’s good enough. It’ll stay.

It Comes Down to Knowing Your Priorities

I think it comes down to knowing your own priorities and limits and allocating your time and energy accordingly. If you want to be a huge success in business, you may not also be able to win the marathon. If you want to be really well-read, you might not be able to devote endless amounts of time to your career. And if you want great relationships with your spouse, your family and your friends, you might have to leave the office once in awhile or let the dishes pile up a bit.

Yes, we want to fix up our apartment. We also want to be solvent and occasionally go out for dinner. Slowing down the renovations will let us do that.

Good Enough Really is Good Enough

You cannot do it all. It’s mean to yourself to even try. Most times, good enough really is good enough.

So to celebrate this weekend, I suggest fixing yourself a cup of tea or pouring a glass of wine and making a list of the things in your life that truly are Good Enough. Then post it on your fridge to remind yourself how great you and your life really are.

Cheers!

→ 7 CommentsCategories: Happy Living
Tagged: celebrations, Relax, self improvement

Does Everything Really Happen for a Reason?

February 3, 2010 · 14 Comments

It’s one of those phrases we use when we don’t know what else to say, when someone we care about or we ourselves have landed in an enormous pile of trouble with no apparent way out of it.

And we don’t mean it in terms of “You had that heart-attack because you’ve eaten nothing but cheeseburgers for the past twenty years and you smoke like a fiend.” We mean it in terms of ”The Universe/The Baby Jesus/That Which We Cannot Name But Which We Fervently Hope Has Some Kind of Influence Over What’s Happening Down Here” will be sending something nice your way any minute now. Head tilt. Smile.

We say it when someone loses their job and on their way home from picking up their final paycheque and paperwork finds a lost kitten to bring home and love. See? Head tilt. Smile. Everything happens for a reason. Because, of course, if you hadn’t lost your job, someone else would have found the kitten and you’d still have a job and doesn’t The Universe work in mysterious ways?

The problem I have with this is that it’s so passive. Craps happens, but if you just sit back and hope, well, the baby Jesus will be fixing you up in no time.

It’s passive and it gives no credit to people for the enormous effort they put in to turning a bad situation around and making something decent of their lives. For instance, (to choose a purely random, yet deeply personal example) Alan and I wanted, but were not able to have children. Bit of a set-back, that. But through the years, we looked around for what else we could do. We accepted challenges and adventures that came our way. We deepened our relationships with each other, with our friends and with our nieces and nephews (who are the best bunch of people you’d ever want to meet).

So people look at our lives as it is now, compared to how we thought it would be and say, “Seeeeee? Everything happens for a reason!” Head tilt. Smile.

Um. No.

When I was really little, I thought that trees made the wind. It was an easy mistake to make. I’d feel a breeze, look up to see the trees moving and confuse cause and effect. My parents kindly chose to call me whimsical.

And I think the Everything Happens for a Reason belief is the same confusing of cause and effect. People work and struggle and make something great out of adversity. And we mistakenly think it was the adversity that caused the greatness, when in reality, it was the person all along.

So what’s a better thing to say? Well, when someone’s in the midst of their difficulties, a heart-felt “I’m so sorry!” lets them know you care.

And when they finally triumph, as you knew all along they would a simple “Good for you! I knew you could do it” will do nicely, possibly accompanied by a bottle of champagne.

You can skip the head tilt entirely.

→ 14 CommentsCategories: The Bigger Picture
Tagged: questions

Or You Could Take the Easy Way

February 1, 2010 · 6 Comments

First a word about the photo.

A few weeks ago, I realized that our dishcloths were hopelessly tattered and needed to be replaced. And then more time passed because I didn’t want to spend the money on something so banal and also wanted to find an environmentally-friendly solution.

Why is it that when faced with a problem our first thought is almost always, “What can I buy to fix this?” Had I followed that thought anywhere, I would have ended up buying some kind of home-made and/or recycled/organic dishcloths, which, fine, would have been better than standard-issue, but still would have used up valuable resources in their manufacture, transport and purchase.

Fortunately, I’ve been going through a lazy patch, so I didn’t do that. Then I stumbled on a suggestion to use the cuffs of defunct sport socks. Alan had a few that were due to be tossed, so I cut off the cuffs, opened them up and put them in the drawer beside the sink. They’re not exactly pretty, but they’re dishcloths. How pretty do they have to be?

The benefits? Only half the sock went to the landfill. The other half will lead a long and useful life cleaning our dishes. I saved a bit of cash and best of all, didn’t have to go shopping.

It really was a lightbulb moment and I’ve filed it away in my head so that the next time I need something , instead of asking myself what I need to buy, I’ll start by asking what I already have that can do the same job. Old t-shirts will turn into cleaning cloths, for one thing, and who knows what else will get re-used from here on in.

How about you? Do have suggestions for creative re-use or simpler ways of dealing with the banalities of life? I’d love to hear them!

→ 6 CommentsCategories: Simple Home
Tagged: green and cheap

Celebrating the Lengthening of Days

January 29, 2010 · 2 Comments

Here in the northern hemisphere, we’ve turned the corner on the year. The days are getting longer. Not, admittedly, much longer. Not, as far as most of us are concerned, long enough yet. But we are definitely on our way.

It amazes me, every year, when this happens. And it does just happen, slowly, incrementally, the days lengthen, without any of us having to actually lengthen them.

I find it comforting to know that, no matter what, the world keeps on spinning. The days get longer and then shorten again. Spring arrives with all its new growth, through the maturity of summer, on into fall and another year unfolds. There’s an innate wisdom there, and safety. We can relax a bit, knowing that tomorrow will be just a little brighter than today.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

→ 2 CommentsCategories: The Bigger Picture
Tagged: celebrations, Relax