Category Archives: Happy Living

Relax. You’re Fine. Just The Way You Are.

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Barb| 22 Comments

A few weeks ago, Karen Schulman Dupuis invited me to take part in this year’s Ignite Stratford. So of course I said yes. The title of my presentation was, yes, “Relax. You’re Fine. Just The Way You Are.” A few people have asked me to post the transcript here, which, hey! Easy blog post! The videos will be up on YouTube soon and I’ll post that as well, for those of you who weren’t able to make it out last Thursday night.

Many years ago, while browsing through the Self-Help section of my favourite bookstore, I thought that if I ever wrote one of those things, I’d call it “Relax. You’re Fine. Just the Way You Are.”

Inside would be blank…

And then someone invented blogging, so I did that instead.

As I look around, I am always amazed and saddened by how dissatisfied we are with ourselves. How we enact Get Tough policies against ourselves on an almost daily basis, thinking we need to lose more weight, get more organized, be more successful. We think we need to become perfect when, really? There’s nothing wrong with who we are!

We are, all of us, miraculous.

Alive.

Feeling.

Throbbing with life.

Every single one of us is completely unique. Since the dawn of time, there has never been anyone quite like you. And there will never be another you, ever again.

I say, let that shine and to hell with those last ten pounds!

As a Reiki Practitioner, I get to touch people. And the variety of proportions of people is amazing. Upper arm to lower, arms to legs, left side to right, no one matches. No one is “in proportion”. We are all ourselves – a unique and miraculous measure of humanity.

And in the face of that, notions of correctness and perfection go right out the window.

Perfection and definitions of perfection are an arrogant and frightened attempt to corral the wild wonderfulness of life into something manageable.

Give it up!

Let the wildness and the wonder of it wash over you. Wallow in it. Drink it up and understand that perfection is everywhere. Yes, even in you!

Whether you believe that humanity evolved over time or that we each come straight from the hand of God, isn’t it strange, after your Mother’s been through 97 hours of labour to have you, to then look at her and all the ancestors who formed you and say, “No. It’s OK. I can fix this!”

It’s like looking at a sunset and telling it to try a little less orange next time. Or telling a robin that his song is too high-pitched. Or telling flower that it needs to drop a few petals.

YOU DON’T NEED FIXING!

There are so many better things you can do with your time, your limited, once in all eternity time on this earth.

This is your trip of a lifetime. Do you seriously want to spend it whipping yourself into shape? Forcing yourself up that ladder of success? Feeling bad about yourself?

There are so many more things to see and experience. Stuff to try. Trouble to get into.

Big crazy projects to launch, just to see where they go.

Friends to discover and cherish.

There are babies to snuggle.

Books to read and wine to drink.

Ideas to follow down strange and wonderful tangents for no productive reason, but because they’re interesting.

There are old people to learn from and love (and to mourn when they’re gone).

And dinners to share, during which you tell the stories of the people you’ve known and the ideas you’ve had.

I’m not saying to never make improvements or to let everything slide – humanity jsut isn’t built that way.

Lord knows, I’m a huge improver! I like to keep my house on the cleaner and tidier end of the spectrum. It suits me.

Eating healthy food and getting enough sleep lets me function better so that I can really enjoy the big adventures when they come along.

And, when I’m out walking my dog, I have been known to break into the occasional light run. It feels good and Ruffles loves it.

So jog if you want to. Cut out the junk food if it makes you feel better. Give to a good cause if you really believe in it.

But please, do these things because they bring you joy, because they’re part of the wonderful banquet of life and not because you think you’re loathesome. Because you’re not.

Believe me. You can relax. Because you’re fine. You are SO fine.

Just the way you are.

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Posted in Happy Living

Tagged Relax, self improvement

The Kerplunk Theory of Energy Movement

Posted on May 11, 2011 by Barb| 13 Comments

Friday’s post touched a bit of a nerve. Seems a lot of us use avoidance but feel kind of bad about it. Which made me think about energy and how pottering about over here can make something shift way over there and how we can use that to our advantage when we don’t feel up to dealing with the stuff over there. A bit like how scubbing the floor really hard with your mop can knock a bunch of stuff off the kitchen counter with the other end. Only in a good way.

You’re used to my tangents by now, right?

So I told you awhile back that I’d been feeling stuck. Creatively, financially, life path-i-ly. And then I got my Reiki attunement and things started to shift.

But they didn’t shift because I meant them to shift or because I shifted them. They did that all on their own, because other things were shifting and moving around.

As a Reiki practitioner, I play with energy. And sometimes it seems very direct and straightforward. I play with the energy in your knee and your knee stops hurting. Simples.

But sometimes it’s a lot less straightforward. I play with the energy in your shoulder and you suddenly start seeing opportunities where none seemed to exist before. Ummmm, what?

I like to figure things out. I’ve never been able to accept “It’s a mystery” as an answer for anything. This is why I made such a bad Catholic, but why I seem to be having some success as a blogger.

So here’s my working theory of how shifting energy can lead to such unexpected results and why that’s such good news for you.

Remember the game Kerplunk? Clear plastic tube with parallel holes into which you stuck a whole bunch of skewers (the set-up often took longer than the game itself) and then dumped in a bunch of marbles. Then you took turns pulling out one stick at a time until the marbles dropped all over the floor and you had to go play outside for awhile.

Sometimes the marbles would drop within the first few turns and sometimes they’d wait till the very last stick. And you never knew which it would be (though you got pretty good at predicting exactly when your friend’s mom would throw you out of the house…)

That’s kind of how it works with our energy. We might have an idea where we’re stuck (I’d like a better job, I wish I could write more, why can’t I find a decent partner???) but we really don’t know what to attack to fix it. Or we might not have any real clue where the stuck is hiding, we just know something ain’t right.

And the ‘go after your dreams wrangle them to the ground and make them your bitch’ style of coach will tell you to, step-by-step, figure out where you’re stuck and then unstick. Which probably works. But can also be really really scary and maybe you’re not up to unsticking that particular part of you. But you can unstick your sock drawer. You can draw a silly picture every day. You can go for a walk to clear the cobwebs and then delete old contacts from your address book.

What all of these things have in common is that they help your energy to flow, maybe just a little bit, but movement is movement and you never really know what it is that’s going to get the big stuck unstuck. It’s a gentle approach to your life and your enery and your tender, fragile dreams. And if you do these things with intention, with the desire to find an answer or just to see what happens, chances are good that your subconsious, that part of your brain that’s working all the time, will come up with an idea that you might just be able to use to get to the next step.

You don’t have to attack the big scary things. You don’t have to take the direct path. You can approach your dreams obliquely. Just play with the energy and let me know what happens.

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Posted in Happy Living

Tagged breathe, creativity, self improvement

Celebrating Avoidance

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Barb| 12 Comments

I woke up to the sound of rain this morning. And it melted all my ambition, just like that. There were dishes to do from a dinner party last night, things to clean, business, um, stuff to move ahead on…

If I keep listing it all, I’m gonna need a nap.

I’m a huge fan of Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half fame. And this one is my current favourite post, partly because I’m convinced I’ll never be a real adult, either. I regularly (whine)brag to Alan about my (in)abilities at Cleaning All the Things. I spent an inordinate amount of time yesterday trying to decide whether it’s better to half-clean most of the things or mostly clean half the things. Before that, I was all happy about my new life and getting the house sorted and working on my garden. But then I hit the wall and decided to mostly clean half the things, expecting to be an adult again today.

But then it rained.

Any day that starts out wet and misery-inducing gets what it deserves. So, instead of cleaning any of the things, I dragged a table up from the basement and put it together in the bedroom (it was in pieces – that’s the only way it fits through the doors). So now I have a spot to do some sewing and work on my cards without having to clear it all away every time we want a meal. I also don’t have to do a weight workout today, cuz, holy crap! That thing is heavy! Plus, now I don’t have to torture my husband with moving it this weekend.

I also got caught up on some correspondence/Facebook and got started on some sewing projects I’d like to have ready should the long slow Spring we’re having round here ever actually take off into summer.

And here’s what I’ve learned about Avoidance. It’s not really the sinful time-waster the productivity coaches or your teachers/parents/boss will tell you it is. It can be amazingly productive. Puttering about, not doing what you “should” be doing can knock an amazing number of little annoying tasks off your to do list. It’s also how your brain rests. I go into avoidance mode when I’m tired and haven’t been paying attention to that. So I potter, I do little tasks, I play. And somehow, I usually also end up doing the things I set out to avoid doing without really feeling like I’ve had to be an adult and actually do them.

Be gentle with yourself when you’re avoiding something. There’s far more going on there than you’re giving yourself credit for.

Please share your favourite avoidance activities with us. It’s always good to add something new to the repertoire. And have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Happy Living

Tagged be flexible, celebrations, organization

Celebrating the Coy Flirtation of Spring

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Barb| 10 Comments

Spring officially arrived a couple of weeks ago, but we were still knee deep in snow here. I decided to wait till it had melted before I posted this. Which it did. But then it came back. And melted and came back a few more times. It’s playing with us.

The flowers poke their little noses out of the gound and get covered over again. The robins arrive, fluff up their feathers and act like they’re looking for someone to blame. And we wait. A little excited, a little nervous. Will the magic happen this year? Will it? Will it? Oh look! There it is!

Here in southern Ontario, we start getting emails (with photos) from our friends on the west coast and in the UK. They are surrounded by greenery and flowers while we’re still shovelling out our driveways and wondering why we get so excited by a season that is mostly mud and dashed hopes. But finally the first crocus appears, the world rights itself and we begin to believe.

What do I love most about Spring?

the cranky robins I already mentioned
the fact that we can have the most glorious weather, but until late May, there’s always a chance that we might get another freeze, so there’s no point doing any gardening at all. So I can sit on my deck enjoying the day and I’m not being lazy, I’m being smart!
crocusses and daffodils scattered through a lawn . They’ll bloom and finish before the grass needs cutting and that arrangement just looks to me like the lawn is getting away with something.
POSSIBILITY!!! The tantalizing, magical, wonderful plans we make for the season ahead. Maybe they’ll work, maybe they won’t, but this is the season for dreaming.

How about you? What do you love most about Spring?

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Posted in Happy Living

Tagged celebrations

Being Stuck Sucks But What If It’s Part Of The Process

Posted on March 29, 2011 by Barb| 13 Comments

Life.

It’s supposed to flow merrily along. And we’re supposed to flow with it. Gracefully leaping from one project to the next, learning and growing all along the way. Getting smarter, fitter, faster, being productive, climbing ladders, succeeding, achieving and always doing, doing, doing!

OK. My fingers got tired just typing that bunch of drivel.

But isn’t that how most of us think life should be, most of the time? If you’re sitting there smugly, convinced you’re way more balanced than that, think about the last time you felt stuck.

It’s not pretty, is it? I’m just coming out of a period of stuckness that lasted about a year and a half. It was uncomfortable, itchy, frustrating. And I have no idea why it started or why it seems to be ending. It just did.

Sometimes the stuckness starts with a cataclysm – a job loss, the death of a loved one, an injury. And sometimes the wind just seems to slowly leave your sails and there you are, right where you don’t want to be. Unable to get to where you do want to be. Stuck.

And if you’re in that place, then, oh honey, you have my sympathy. I know how bad it feels and nothing I can say will make it feel better. But here’s one tiny thought that might help just a little bit. Maybe being stuck isn’t wrong. Maybe being stuck is part of the natural ebb and flow of life.

Cells that are in constant growth mode are called cancer. Plants that do the same are called noxious weeds. Economies that aim for constant expansion eventually collapse.

A piece of music played without any rests between the notes will very quickly have the audience heading for the exits.

You can’t just inhale.

I’ve been doing a bit of breath work in my Reiki training and there’s the inhale, the holding, the exhale and then more holding. In fact, half of breathing involves neither inhaling nor exhaling. You can try it for yourself if you like, just please make sure you’re sitting safely, because inhaling and exhaling with no holding in between will make you really dizzy really quickly.

So what if life is like our breath? What if there needs to be holding between all that exciting inhaling and exhaling? What if the holding is actually essential? We’ve gotten so used to our breathing patterns that we need Reiki Masters and Yoga Instructors to point out that there’s a lot more to breath than motion.

But life lasts longer than a breath. So the stillness is more noticeable. But what if it’s not wrong? What if it’s life’s way of saying, “Rest up, there’s more to come”?

If you’re stuck in the stuck, know that you’re not alone. And it will not last forever. You have your next breath to assure you of that.