Feel the Guilt and Say No Anyway

smlp

Last week, I told you how I simplified my life.  First, I figured out my priorities, then I made more time for the important stuff and let the rest go.  It’s a really workable, gentle way to get to the life you want.

But I think we do need to address the big, bad Guilt Monster.  Oh, he gets away with a lot, the Guilt Monster.  We are all so afraid of displeasing him.  As though guilt is a feeling that must be avoided at all costs.  As though feeling guilty can cause us actual bodily harm.

When, really?  You can get used to it.  You can look the Guilt Monster in the eye and say “Go away.”

Feeling guilty and being guilty are not the same thing.  The Guilt Monster relies on our confusion to get us to do all kinds of things we don’t want to.  Because we don’t know the difference and are so afraid the Guilt Monster will get us, we end up saying yes when we should say no. 

So we sign up for our neighbour’s Interpretive Sumo Wrestling class.  We eagerly agree to chair The Committee to Save the Ugliest Building in Town.  We buy a crate of chocolate bars to support PeeWee Ringette when a) we don’t even know what that is and 2) we live alone and have diabetes.

Clearly, the Guilt Monster is running amok and must be stopped.

Here’s what you need to know (knowledge is power, after all).  The only time you need to act on your feelings of guilt are when you have hurt someone, caused property damage or harmed the planet.  Or you haven’t voted.  You should totally feel bad and take steps to fix it in any of those circumstances.  Say you’re sorry, pay for the broken window, leave the car and walk or bike instead.  And for heaven’s sake, vote next time!

But saying no to the things that didn’t make your list?  Not worth your energy to act on the guilt.  Yes, you’ll feel itchy and uncomfortable at first.  The Guilt Monster doesn’t like to be ignored.  But he also has a short attention span and if you ignore him, he goes away.  

And then you notice something really amazing.  All those activities that were sucking the life out of you?  Carry on just fine without you.  You only lose the friends who only wanted what you could do for them but  never really cared about you.  And your life gets infinitely sweeter because it’s full of the people and causes that you love, that have meaning.  And you actually have the time, the breathing room to enjoy them.

How cool is that?

If you feel like you need some support and encouragement taking charge of your commitments, your time and taming the Guilt Monster, you might want to sign up for Noreen and Meg’s lovely  In Search of Time Project.  There’s lots of goodness included in the price.  The weekly chats are especially fun.