Last week, I watched an episode of “Hoarders” online (A&E thoughtfully posts a few episodes of its top shows for those of us who don’t own a TV.).
It’s kind of an odd show. It doesn’t really seem to offer tips for the averagely cluttered. And the help that the true hoarders need is beyond the scope of any TV show. So why is it so popular? I suspect that it feeds in to our desire to feel better about ourselves. I can now look around at my sometimes messy house and comfort myself that at least it’s not as bad as that!
Which could also explain why “Big Spender” is also popular, though that show at least offers some practical tips to go with the shock value of someone who owns (and owes money on) $20,000 worth of shoes. It makes our outstanding line of credit seem so reasonable by comparison.
But does that do us any favours? OK, yes, I can stop skyrocketing my blood pressure over it and that’ll be good for my health. But if I can quell my impatience to pay it off simply by comparing my debt to yours, how will I actually make my life better?
We compare ourselves all the time, to people who are better off and worse of than us. And as long as we fall somewhere in the middle, somewhere in the realm of normal, then we feel like we can sleep at night. And if ever we get beyond that and try to make ourselves just a bit better than we are now, well, there are a whole bunch of people to tell us to knock it off and stay in the middle with them.
And, if we listen to them, we end up with a life just like our neighbours. Which may be a perfectly fine way to live, but if it’s not really the way I want to live, maybe I’m asking the wrong questions.
Did you see the movie “Kinsey”? About the man who wrote that report on the sexual practices of the American public. It made me so sad. Because most people read the report, not to see if there was some technique or position or, hey, lifestyle choice that they hadn’t heard about that could maybe make their life so much better. No. They read the report to see if what they were doing was “normal”. Comparing themselves, right down to the most private core of themselves, with the neighbours.
If we’re going to compare our lives as they stand now to anything, shouldn’t we be comparing them to how we really want them to be? And then maybe taking steps to get them there?
Because, nice though my neighbours are, I really don’t want to live their life. I’ve got a perfectly good one of my own to figure out.
How about you? Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Must be a message for me here as the reading for today (actually for tomorrow but I was mistaken about the date ) from Simple Abundance ( yes I often read it) is also about comparisons. She calls comparing, jealousy, etc a “sin against authenticity”.
Something for me to think about. You’re so right that those shows can make on feel self righteous yet I only have to concern myself with my own habits of overconsumption- though I’m pretty sure books are exempted aren’t they?
At least until everything else has been dealt with!
I wish I had a witty comment to make on your article, but all I can say is this is awesome! I love your writing.